Pet review: the human body.

Useless. Don't bother getting one.

Sure, they look cute, but you have to take them with you everywhere, they for live about 80 years (needing constant care for all that time), and once it goes through puberty it'll constantly nag you about getting another one for company.

You feed them, walk them and play with them, and how do they reward you? Syphilis.

Bodies are also uneconomical. You always have less than you think - female bodies in particular.

They're easy to obtain but hard to get rid of: dump a body beside a highway and drive away, and see how far you get.

Instructions are contradictory: doctors, religions and instinct will all tell you different things about how to treat it. The RSPCA isn't interested.

Plus, they need to be symbiotic with about 12 other species to work properly.

Bodies: worst birthday present ever.